Recently, i have been feeling homesick...which is strange b/c it's not necessarily attached to a specific place. i wish i could be all spiritual and say i'm homesick for heaven, but that would be a lie. i have thought about that a little. and maybe it isn't actually homesickness. maybe i'm just realizing a void or several voids in my life and i realize what i'm missing...such as community. and i've studied, it taught it, and lived it. but i'm just tired of getting settle places, investing in others having them investing in me and then leaving. even after 2 years of being in memphis this hasn't changed much. probably due to a lack of prayer and desire to have it changed. and that stubborn streak of i can handle it on my own. i know i need to make some changes in my life...okay probably alot of changes...but i have little motivation. and i know you don't have to have motivation to do what you're supposed to do or what is expected of you. i had a situation come up recently that prompted some of these thoughts and just a general reflection on my life...it's been pretty phenomenal. i have been blessed with awesome people in my life and even here in Memphis I have been. Sometimes i just feel like i don't fit in here...which may not be an entirely terrible thing. I felt that way in Dallas at times..depending on wehre i was or who i was around. so i'm not going to make some grand proclamation of making change but i am going to try to start the process. I want to be realistic with myself. my first plan of actions is to read some of Paul's books and read the passion he had for Jesus. That's the first thing I need to reclaim in my life. For those that pray, if you would pray for me and I try to live out Proverbs 3:5-6 i would be forever grateful.
Grace, peace and love
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